Trusting God, Even with Teenagers

 I was reading Exodus 5 today.  Moses had gone to Pharaoh to ask if he would let the Israelite people go to the wilderness to have a feast. Pharaoh immediately said no and then commanded the taskmasters of the people to make them go find their own straw for making bricks. Up until now the taskmasters had provided the straw for the Israelites. So now their workload had increased and they were still required to make the same number of bricks. The foremen of the Israelites were beaten when they could not provide the same number of bricks. Moses must have felt awful because he turned to the Lord and said, “O Lord, why have you done evil to this people?  Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all.”

I am right in the middle of parenting two teenage daughters and man it is HARD.  They are both great kids and usually make great choices but there are still times when I have to parent them. The hardest part is that they are mini adults(One of them is an actual adult but I’m still in denial about that.) They have their own opinions and ideas and ways they want to do things. When they were little I told them what to do and they did it. Now they make their own decisions. I can only advise and trust and pray. I pray a lot!  It’s in those moments where God has prompted me to have tough conversations with them that remind me of Moses. He was being obedient to God when he went to talk to Pharaoh but Pharaoh’s response was evil.  Sometimes what I have to say to my kids makes them mad and anyone out there with a teenage daughter knows how bad that can be.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not supposed to say it.  They may not listen and they may even be upset but just like Moses was still supposed to go to Pharaoh even though God knew he would say no(Exodus 3:19) I should still have those tough conversations.  Even though I know sometimes that means I will walk away feeling hurt and defeated. Just like God used Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, He can use me in those moments to point my kids to Him and to draw me closer to Him. I may never see what God was doing in those situations but I can trust God to use those moments for good  

Heavenly Father, Thank you for two amazing daughters. Help me to listen when you want me to speak truth to them and give me the words like you gave Moses through Aaron. Thank you for the reminder that you have a plan even when I feel hurt and discouraged. In Jesus Name Amen. 

He Knew

I just had a rough night with one of my kids. One of those nights where they totally messed up and you're the one that has to hand out the consequence and it's rough. Just rough. After the punishment and tears and I'm sorry. I sat in bed thinking about how much I have invested in my kids. I have dedicated the last 13+ years to raising my kids. I don't have a fancy house or car. I don't have a career I can be proud of. Heck. I don't even have a job.  Nothing that's just mine. And it's on purpose. I want to be able to give them all I can. Spend as much time with them, helping them or cheering for them or serving them as possible.

So after a huge explosion of a night, all I can do is sit here and think about how much of myself I have given to my kids. And in turn how much it hurts when they mess up. Not because I don't think they'll mess up or because that somehow reflects on me. But because I hope for so much more for them. For them to do better, to somehow be better than I am or ever was. And when all that comes crashing down with bad choices. It makes my heart ache. And then I think about how much more God loves me. And how much more of himself he gave to me. And how he knew I would crush him with my sin. And that I would break his heart. Sometimes daily. He knew!  And he still chose to do it all. He knew before Adam and Eve walked the earth but he created us anyway. And he has such amazing plans for me. Plans for me to be better and do better than I ever thought I could. But my bad choices can send those plans crashing down too. And sometimes they do. But God loves me in spite of all that. This ache in my heart tonight reminds me that he knew and still chose to love me. What an amazing love that is!

Father, help me to know your love better. To grasp the depth and lengths that you go to so that I understand it. I want to be overflowing with your love so that I can share that love with others. Especially my children when they need me to give them grace just like I need from you every day. Amen.

Hosea 3{Seeking a sinner}

Hosea 3

I like that the Lord said to "go show your love to your wife again."  He didn't say "love your wife again."  Maybe it's because he didn't ever stop loving her even through all the ways she sinned against him.  Just like God never stops loving us even though we sin and sometimes continue to sin.

And Hosea went and got her.  She didn't come crawling back in repentance.  He went to her.  Sometimes I can feel God.  Right there with me.  Just waiting for me to turn to him.  And Hosea bought her back.  His own property!  Can you imagine someone taking something of yours and then you buying it back?!  That's crazy!  It shows just how much God loves us because he bought us with his son's life.  So much sacrifice!

In verse 1 it says "love her as the Lord loves the Israelites."  I think that shows that sometimes, when we are the ones needing to forgive, we will need God's help.  Because we are SO human and sometimes things hurt so bad.

I pray that if there is someone seeking forgiveness from you that you will love them as the Lord loves us.  I know when I go "trembling to the Lord" that is the love I hope to find.

How are you doing? (insert concerned look)

Today has been a weird day.  I'm not sure how to feel about it.  Should I be embarrassed because I'm bawling my eyes out or should I feel guilty because I'm not?  My baby started kindergarten today and I have no idea how I'm doing.  Everyone keeps asking me that.  I truly don't know.  He's ready and I suppose I'm ready.  It's a new season in his life and mine. One that I look forward to, but it's hard to not look back on this day.  To the last 5 years of taking care of him.  Feeding him, changing him, playing with him.  Did I use the time wisely?  Did I hold him enough?  Did I hold him too much?  Did I teach him the right things?  So many questions that could tear me to pieces.  Today I'm choosing not to think about those.  To only look forward.  There's so much joy in watching your kids learn new things at school.  In the next few years he will grow so much.  We will have Thanksgiving break and Christmas break and I look forward to the amazing summers we will have together.  I'll get to pick him up from school and hear about the super awesome things he got to do that day.  And it will be great!  This song popped up in my memories from Facebook.

 It has a whole different meaning today than it did 5 years ago when I posted it, but I choose to still embrace it and allow God to use me in whatever he calls me to do today. Anticipating all the ways God will use me and Devin in this new stage.

Hosea 2 {Turning away}

Hosea 2

The first part of this chapter laid out a template of a person turning away from God.  They have veered off his path and hopped onto one that they think is better.  It's definitely self-serving and provides short term pleasure, like the linens and oils that the woman in Hosea takes pleasure from and credits to her lovers.  Even though God can take that all away.  And he does in order to draw us closer to him because sometimes most of the time, that's the only way.  The only way we see that those short term pleasures are fleeting and he is truly better.

I'm sure we can all read those verses and think of someone to point a finger at or call out, but don't we all turn from God from time to time or maybe it's just that we keep certain areas of our life from him or that we take credit for things that God has given us or done for us.  Those are all things that separate us from him.

Verse 13 reminds me that there are always consequences for our sin.  Even though he forgives me when I come to him, in this world it will never be as though it didn't happen.  But then the drawing closer starts in verse 14.  He speaks tenderly even though we deserve harsh words.  He knows our hearts can be delicate especially during those hard times, so he doesn't barge in with heavy demands.  He gently calls to us and shows us his great mercy and grace.

I can almost see and hear the joy in verse 15.  The redemption and delight that follows.  "There she will sing as in the days of her youth."  I want to sing like that.  Not a deep heavy song, but a lighthearted, cheerful one.  I have and I do sing like that, but I want it to be that way all the time.  Every moment of every day rejoicing in God's amazing love for me.

That's my prayer for today.  That we all take time today to truly understand God's grace for us and then shout a cheerful song of praise.  Whether it's on your way home from work or as you clean the bathrooms, again (how does it get so dirty so fast!) or as you drive to pick your kindergartner up from his first day at school, like me.  So fair warning to everyone in the pickup line.  You might want to bring your earplugs. ;)  Here's the song I'll be jamming to.

Hosea {When God calls us to do hard things}

I am starting to read through Hosea.  It's super painful and hard to read, but that's the book God sent to me through a friend, so that's what I'm reading.  I want to blog about my thoughts as I read.  They are very raw and not at all put together thoughts, so no judging.  I would love to hear any of your thoughts on Hosea as well.  I'm praying that God speaks to me through this (actually I know he will because he wouldn't give me this book and not speak to me) and I know he can use you to speak to me too.

Hosea 1Thoughts

I am not a prophet or a teacher, but God calls me and everyone to live in a way that speaks to others.  My life can be a ministry in that way.  That does not mean that I should hold myself to an impossible standard and tell everyone how I have followed XYZ commandment.  It means revealing my brokenness and need for grace to everyone so that they can see my Mighty God at work.  God asked Hosea to marry a prostitute which seems hard enough, but he also asked him to keep forgiving her for her adultery.  I can't imagine how painful that journey was but it allowed Hosea to show God's people, in a way they could actually see, how God's grace works and that it's there waiting for them if they just turn to him and accept it.

I am broken and in need of God's grace in more ways than you can even imagine.  God, give me the strength to reveal my brokenness to others, so that they too can see how amazing your grace really is.  And give me the strength to give that same grace that you have given me to anyone in my life that needs it right now.  Amen.

Dear Precious,

Last night we went out for ice cream.  Just the two of us.  No BubbaJ to distract me and no Sissy to compete for attention with.  At first we didn't talk about much.  What's going on at school.  How much fun Christmas break has been.  But then something happened.  You knew I was listening or I asked just the right questions.  Whatever the reason, you started to talk to me.  I mean REALLY talk to me.  About important stuff.  Your feelings about getting older, how you miss some of your friends because they aren't in your class this year, and things so personal I can't talk about them here.  I need you to know how special that time was for me.  I know I don't have time for that often enough.  I wish you would always talk to me like that.  Even when you're a teenager and think you already know everything or when you're grown and you really do know some stuff.  I thank God for last night and I pray that He has many more of those times in store for us.

I love you!
Mom

More boy differences.

As I watched a Victoria's Secret commercial on television recently I found that I have a whole new perspective.  Before, as I watched those commercials I thought about how angry it makes me that every woman out there feels like she has to live up to that.  I thought about me and how discouraging it was to know that my husband was seeing that as an example.  How at 33 years old and after almost 13 years of marriage, I still have body issues.  And I thought about my girls and how much pain they will probably feel because they will never live up to that.  But this time, I saw that commercial and thought about how mad I am that my son will be constantly inundated with pictures of half naked women and how hard it will be for him to make good, Godly choices throughout his life with all of the temptation that this world throws at him.  Father, help us all to stand strong against the things of this world and hold on to the truths of your word.

New Words

Our house is full of new words.

BubbaJ: "But why?"  Every mother loves those words, right?  I haven't quite started entertaining them with answers yet because he seems satisfied just asking.

Sissy:  "Literally."  She says this like one would use the word "seriously."  Like "Did you really just do that?"  Almost right, but not quite.  And she says it so often I haven't found a good way to correct her.  So if you hear her say "literally" somewhat inappropriately feel free to correct her or ignore it.

Precious:  "My life is over!"  In her dramatic voice.  This comes in response to anything from someone wasn't nice to me at school to you passed the ketchup instead of mustard.  Good times!

I even have "new words" in a way.  I have never enjoyed reading.  In fact, I found some way around reading almost every book I was assigned in high school and college.  And in my adult life I read only for self-improvement.  Then I joined a book club and continued to read only self-improvement books until one of the ladies bought us the book for the month and it was simply a book to read for pleasure.  And I enjoyed it!  Since then I have read seven other books.  Legit books!  And I enjoyed them.  If this keeps up I might have to actually use my library card.  :o

Grace through Prayer

We are studying prayer in Sunday school right now.  Last Sunday this verse stuck out to me:

Luke 23:33-34

When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left.  Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

 

It's easy to think of our enemies as evil people who don't deserve our prayers, but Jesus set forth the example of forgiveness and compassion.  It reminded me of a change that I have noticed in Sissy's prayers.

 

She used to pray, "I hope everyone has a great day, besides robbers and bad guys."

 

Lately her  prayer has changed to, "Help robbers and bad guys to see what they are doing is wrong.  Help them to follow you and do the right thing."

 

To me that is her version of "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."  It's an everyday reminder for me to share the grace that God gives me with everyone, even my enemies.

 

 

A party even Jayme would be proud of

Precious turned 10!  I have to say I love having a 10 year old.  I think it might be the joyous age between needing me for everything and needing me for nothing. Here are some pictures of her amazingly fun Glow Party.  I think my friend Jayme would even be proud of this.

The Glow Room

Food Table

Glow Signs

Glow Bowling

Party Girls

They thought it was a good idea to smash cake in their faces.

The Dance Room

Fixing my eyes on Jesus

"Choose joy because God is working, and never look back because you cannot run the race while looking behind you." - Debbie Alsdorf in The Faith Dare: 30 Days to Live Your Life to the Fullest

When I ran my first half, God made it clear to me that I was to run in obedience to him.  He called me to run and he would provide everything I needed to do it.  He provided me with strength, guarded me from injuries, and he even gave me an awesome Bible verse.  But because it was so clear to me last time, I have struggled this time.

Last week as I was running 10 miles God reminded me that he is still providing for me.  People who don't run are really missing out.  They don't get to see how God can provide light in the darkness at the exact moment there is a pothole that I would have fallen in without some light.  Or the way he provided a gorgeous moon on a night I had to run by myself and needed something uplifting to get me through.  Or how he can provide a scripture at the exact moment you need it. Not too soon and not too late.  The exact moment!

After an awful run last night.  I mean AWFUL!  I was feeling defeated.  Like a failure.  And God provided a message for me in my Faith Dare reading for today.  He gave me my "race verse" at the moment when I was feeling the worst. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1-2

So as I finish up my training and run my race I will:

"Choose joy because God is working, and never look back because you cannot run the race while looking behind you." - Debbie Alsdorf in The Faith Dare: 30 Days to Live Your Life to the Fullest

Comedian

Precious is my jokester. She thinks she's pretty funny. 

"Two cheeks and a crack."

"I mustache you a question."

Choose your words wisely.

Yeah, I haven't posted in a while...Get over it. :-)

BubbaJ can talk now. For a while his favorite word was "doing" (I just realized that looks like doing. As in "I'm doing the dishes."  Think sound instead. Like, the bell went doing.). He learned this word from his Uncle J. BubbaJ was driving one of those battery powered cars (not safe!). Demonstrated by him running into their propane tank. It made a sound and Uncle J says it went "doing". And just like that BubbaJ found a new favorite word. So this is how conversations started going at our house:

Me: BubbaJ, what are you doing?
BubbaJ: doing.

Or

Me:  BubbaJ, what do you want for lunch?
BubbaJ:  doing.

Or

Me:  BubbaJ, I love you.
BubbaJ: (wait for it) doing.

All kinds of fun!

His new favorite words are "what doing?" (Not the sound this time, the word). And "where going?"  Good questions except he is never satisfied with my answer because no matter what I say he just keeps asking.

Life Experience

The girls were looking through their scrapbooks.  You know.  The fancy kind that I spent hours on each page cutting out paper and stickers.  The ones that I could only keep up for a few years and now do digital because it is WAY faster.  Sissy made an observation followed by a question.

Sissy:  "Why does Precious have so many more than me?"  (Some day she will realize how much harder two kids are than one.  And how you intend to do all the things you did with your first with your second until reality sets in and you realize you barely even have time to shower, so cutting out pictures does not make the list.)

Well Precious thought she knew the answer.

Precious:  "It's because I have so much more life experience than you."  Yes, Precious, you're right.  You have been through so much more in your extra 20 months of life than Sissy.  You have way more life experience. :)

Extremism

Sissy can be a bit of an extremist sometimes.  Everything is black and white to her.  As the kids were playing outside today, BubbaJ did something to hurt himself.  Sissy comes running in telling me that I needed to go get him because he wanted me.  Now, don't judge me, but I sat there waiting to see how serious the injury really was.  If you know BubbaJ, you know that he spends half of his life falling on the ground.  Sissy could not believe that I didn't hop right up to his rescue.

Sissy:  "Would you rather rescue your son, or play on the computer?"

Well, when you put it that way.

He Speaks

I know there are those of you out there that do not believe that God speaks to us.  I  know He does.  Here is one example.

Sometimes in life, God waits until your most dire moments to reveal himself to you.  Jogging is sort of like that only in short bursts.  I always start out my jog feeling pretty confident.  Thinking, "I'm getting pretty good at this.  I think I could do this forever."  Then four or five miles in my thoughts change to, "How in the world am I going to keep going?  What was I thinking signing up for a half marathon!"

Today I was on my seventh mile thinking all of my post-four-mile thoughts.  My knees hurt, my arches hurt, my toes hurt...pretty much my whole body hurt.  Then, all of a sudden a rock jumps into my shoe.  I'm not kidding, it's like it just hopped right in there.  All of the aches and pains dulled in comparison to the pointy rock poking my foot with every step.  I could hear God telling me that sometimes it feels hard and things are difficult, but it could always be worse.  The rock made me wish all I had to worry about was my aching body. 

In the middle of these thoughts, a car pulls out and waves at me.  It drove by too quickly for me to see who was driving and I didn't recognize it.  On the back window written in the dirt was, "Love U."  I could almost hear God speaking those words to me.  He wanted me to know that even though I was hurting at that moment, He still loves me.

It reminded me of how in life sometimes God doesn't just swoop right in to rescue us in our moments of despair.  Sometimes He wants us to realize how good we really have it and that He loves us in the midst of our trials. 

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Greatness

This is Bubbaj's first painting. It could be like Picasso or Rembrandt's first painting. Or maybe not since he says, "ewe" when he looks at it.

I know he is destined for greatness. Who knows. Maybe it could be in painting?

New Favorite Phrase

Sissy:  "I know...right?"

Definition:  I concur.  Who in their right mind could possibly disagree.

Hard Work

It was so beautiful here the other day that I got absolutely nothing done.  There are two things I try to do every day no matter what.  1) Pick up the house and  2) make supper.  Neither one of those things got done.  People talk about the memories of their mothers cooking them delicious food and baking them yummy snacks.  Well, my kids won't have those memories, but I hope they have memories of the times we ate out for supper because I was too busy spending time with them to cook.  That day, we took the kids for a walk around the lake.

As we were walking, we visited with the kids about their days.  Precious started telling us about working on a group project at school that day.

Precious:  The boys sat down and told me this is how it should be.  The girls doing all the work.  So, I told them, "Not at my house.  At my house, Dad does all the work."

I could see my husband smiling, trying not to laugh because he knew that would bother me.  And I'm sure he knew how absolutely untrue that statement was.  As I started to speak in protest, Precious realized her mistake and started to further explain.

Precious:  "I mean not everything.  I just mean that he goes to work and you don't."

I guess I should be happy that she recognized that I do actually work hard.  Of course, I hadn't really that day, so maybe she has a point.